Man Meets Artist

Cast of Characters

Man: an older gentleman, possibly in his early 60’s; he’s dressed in a cheap polyester suit, probably from a Today’s Man store; his salt and pepper hair is cut short over his balding head.

Artist: a young man, early 30s, dressed sharply in a black Italian suit.

Scene

A hotel banquet room in New York City. A wedding reception is underway as people dance, drink, and celebrate.

Time

The present.

ACT 1

SCENE 1

(MAN walks up to ARTIST, drink in hand. ARTIST sips his wine and acknowledges MAN with nod of head.)

MAN
So…whaddaya do?

ARTIST:
I’m an artist.

MAN
Really? Wow. So, what kind of art do ya do?

ARTIST
Uh, well, I’m a painter and –

MAN
–You ever do them clown pictures? You know, the ones where the clown’s smilin’, but he’s really sad and he’s pushin’ a broom or somethin’. I love that shit.

ARTIST
I’ve seen them, but, no, I work in acrylics and oils and –

MAN
(eyes light up)
I know somebody in the oil business, down in Texas. That’s where I’m from, can you tell?

ARTIST
Well, no, I mean –

MAN
(shakes his head)
–So what kind of art do you do?

ARTIST
(sips wine)
Uh, I’m working on a series of paintings about light and form and –

MAN
–Light? Are you that light feller? The one that paints those paintings of houses in the woods and the light’s comin’ out the window and it looks like real light!

ARTIST
Who do you mean?

MAN
Ah shoot, you know, what the heck’s that fellers name?

ARTIST
(raises a brow)
Thomas Kinkade?

MAN
Thomas Kinkade, that’s it! The Master of Light! Tell me you’re him, tell me the truth.

ARTIST
Uh, no, my name’s Michael.

MAN
Shoot, I just love that light stuff. My sister’s got a bunch of his stuff. The missus and me got one in the study. How’s that Kinkade fella do it?

ARTIST
I wouldn’t know.

MAN
(nodding his head)
Oh, one of them artist’s secrets. You can tell me, I won’t say nothin’.

ARTIST
No, it’s not a secret, I mean, I assume he uses paint that –

MAN
Light-colored paint?

ARTIST
(nodding his head)
Yes, that’s it. There’s a special paint that’s actually light in a bottle and he uses that. That’s how he does it. Even you could do it.

MAN
Shoot, I thought it was harder than that. So you famous?

ARTIST
No, not yet.

MAN
Have I seen any of your work?

ARTIST
I don’t think so.

MAN
So you just paint?

ARTIST
No, I sculpt, too.

MAN
You mean like chipping away at a big rock like that Mickelangela fella?

ARTIST
No, I work with clay and –

MAN
–Like Play-Doh?

ARTIST
No, it’s modeling clay and –

MAN
–Shoot, I used to love play-doh when I was a kid. What colors you use?

ARTIST
Colors?

MAN
Colors of Play-Doh! Geez-Louise, am I talkin’ through mud? Play-Doh, son, Play-Doh!

ARTIST
Uh, I don’t really use Play-Doh, no.

MAN
(lowers his head)
Oh…eh…too bad.

ARTIST
And what do you do, sir?

MAN: Me? Aaa. I’m president of Ned’s Nuts. Biggest distributor of nuts in the world. I got more money than I know what to do with. I was lookin’ for some unknown artist to make me a giant play-doh sculpture for the lobby of my world headquarters in Houston – somethin’ abstract and monumental, along the lines of Henry Moore. Shit, his Reclining Figure at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge is somethin’ else. His suggestion of the female body and use of hollow space reminds me of the landscape and hills of my birthplace. And I like that fella Calder, too. He did this thing looks like a crab at the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston that, well, it just knocks my socks off. Well, I guess there’s other artists here. Nice to have metchya. Good luck.

(The MAN walks away. The ARTIST spills his drink.)